So this is how it happened. I had been checking monthly to see if I was pregnant, and each month I wasn't, so I really didn't expect to be. I honestly expected something to be physically wrong. I saw the faintest vertical line. I took a picture of it. It looked more positive on the camera. I kissed Josh goodbye and went to work. All day I kept looking at the picture to make sure. I texted it to my friend Ashlea to get her opinion (she had shown me a pic of her pregnancy test a few months earlier and I considered her an expert). The work day finally ended and I came home with a liter of Gatorade and 3 more pregnancy tests. Josh and his dad were laying tile in the kitchen (I had demanded it get done before our annual Christmas party). Since I had been planning of how I was going to tell Josh I was pregnant for, well, years, I wrapped the titans pacifiers in christmas paper and told him I had an early present for him. When he unwrapped it, he said, "there is no one I'd rather be having this adventure with." It was the same thing he said when he proposed. It was perfect.
I have been lucky not to have too many off-putting pregnancy symptoms. I had a brief stint of nausea, and I am ready for bed at like 7:30 every night. But for the first 5 months, everyone at work claimed I didn't even look pregnant. I'm 29 weeks now and everyone says I look pregnant in my face. That hurts my feelings. My back hurts all the time, I feel my insides stretching and pulling when I walk. My pubic bone pinches a nerve when I'm on my feet for very long (which is all the time because my new job is physically demanding). But I remind myself that it won't be like this forever. I won't let myself complain to anyone out loud (just you internet!) because, after all, this is what I have always wanted. It will be worth it to see my sweet boy's smiling face.
Josh has been an angel through all this. He has gotten on board with the idea of fatherhood like I never would have thought he was capable of. He went out and bought books on The Joy of Fatherhood and a reference guide to infants. He says I'm sexy and I believe him. I am grateful he still finds me attractive. He has picked up the slack around the house and preparing for the baby. I have become somewhat a cleaning and money nazi. I am constantly preaching "Save, Save Save!" and he just wants to go to Grizzlies playoff games (not cheap) and host barbecues and have fun. I have cleaned every closet, drawer and room top to bottom and sold everything in a yard sale trying to get rid of all the excess in our lives. He says, "more, more more," and I say, "Enough." I've even started recycling. I want my life and my home and my mind to be free of clutter when he comes.
I have pictured that moment when I first meet Judah a million times. Right now, feeling him move inside me, is like having a pen pal you haven't met in person. But when that delivery room goes from the 2 of us to the 3 of us, that will be the dearest moment of my life. I can't wait to hear that sweet cry, to see those eyes, to trace the curve of his nose and lips. This is what I pray for Judah: I pray you are healthy. Strong. I pray you are smart, no brilliant. I pray you are beautiful and have all the advantages life has to offer. I pray you have a kind, compassionate, generous, heart. I pray you are athletic and hard-working. Gracious and humble, as well as have self-confidence. I pray you like to read and have a joyful personality. I pray you always see the good and positive in situations and people. I pray you are happy in life.
Your mother and father sure are.
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